Because when you’re stuck in a long-distance relationship, you don’t really know what it’s like to date the other person—instead, you only have this halfway, vague idea. Sure, you know something of their personality and their attractive qualities, but you don’t know the full reality. A lot of long-distance couples create rules that they should have X number of calls or that they need to talk every night at a certain time. You can easily find articles online recommending this sort of behavior. It feels good to imagine that there’s this picture-perfect person for you out there—”the one“—and it’s only these damn logistical circumstances that are keeping you apart.
- “Be ambitious in your efforts to see each other in person.”
- Embracing your independence can be great for the both of you.
- In a same-city relationship, your partner can read your body language, hear the tone of your voice in person, and sense when something is off.
- The truth is you can’t maintain a long-distance relationship forever, so make sure there’s an end in sight, or at least planned visits coming up in your future.
Try These 10 Things If You Want Success In A Long Distance Relationship
If you can read or listen to some of the same things, that will help you share SecretmeetReview experiences and give you new things to talk about. It’s easier to figure out how to make a long distance relationship work if you share some common interests. When these seasons hit, put a bit more effort into finding new and fresh things to discuss (or make it easy on yourself and check out the book below). Unless you both value transparency and honesty more than making a good impression, you will have a much more difficult time figuring out whether you and your partner are a good fit for each other. When you meet long distance it can be easy to jump in the deep end and move too fast in your new relationship. Having the hope of being together long term can help you ride out the toughest days of being apart from one another.
Go Beyond “how Was Your Day?”
But through certain circumstances, you find yourself separated from the one you love by miles and miles of distance. When you’re long-distance, it’s more important than ever to have consistent relationship check-ins, so you can iron out the kinks as you go. “Long-distance relationships thrive on intentional effort,” says Laura Caruso, a licensed mental health counselor, relationship therapist, and psychotherapist.
Maintaining intimacy in a long-distance relationship is often considered one of the most challenging aspects. It is important to keep the relationship alive so as not to allow the distance to kill the relationship. But if you can go into the situation with a positive mindset, and you’re not willing to give up at the first sign of trouble, then you’re already setting yourself up for more success.
No matter your chosen method, whether it’s video chat or texting, it’s all about making the effort to communicate in a way that suits you. Saying ‘I miss you’ might be completely justified, but making it your only topic of conversation is not a positive path for relationship longevity. It’s about making the best of the situation you’re dealing with, and if you’ve signed up for distance, you have to give it your best shot.
To make a long-distance relationship work, it’s imperative to lead with trust, not suspicion. If she doesn’t reply, don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions, thinking that she might have found someone new. Instead, go with a reasonable explanation like they must be sleeping, and you got the time zones mixed up. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt isn’t about ignoring red flags, but asking before making accusations.
“It just can’t be a situation in which one person assumes you’ll end up living together while the other person thinks living separate lives is ideal,” Dr. Hoffman says. It’s also possible that one of you will change your mind down the road. In a healthy long-distance relationship, Dr. Hoffman adds, you’ll feel comfortable telling your partner if your desired endgame changes over time.
Most successful long distance couples do one short daily touchpoint (a photo, a voice memo, a good-morning text) plus one longer deeper connection 2–3 times a week (video call, synced activity, shared experience). Over-communicating can actually create pressure and burnout. Provides clarity on your plans, feelings, thoughts, and actions, which can help eliminate suspicion and build trust in your relationship. It makes her feel more emotionally secure, knowing that you’re not hiding anything from her. To make long-distance relationships work, it’s important to establish clear boundaries.
When you only see each other every few weeks or months, there is an enormous temptation to make every visit “perfect.” Every meal should be incredible. You should feel constantly in love and perfectly connected for every second of the 72 hours you have together. Daily questions, weekly check-ins, and relationship insights, designed for couples who can’t be on the same couch but refuse to lose their connection. Research from the University of Utah found that relationship satisfaction in LDRs correlates more with perceived communication quality than with frequency. A genuine 20-minute conversation where both people are fully present beats a distracted two-hour call every time.
Most people dislike conflict, especially in a relationship. If you see or talk to your partner less than you’d like, you might feel even more reluctant to have an argument and do whatever you can to keep calls and visits peaceful. Despite these difficulties, it’s important to get in the habit of talking openly about your feelings with your partner. Hiding your feelings, or lying about them, won’t help either of you in the long run.
If you are living this right now, this guide is for you. Not the surface-level advice you have already heard (“just communicate more!”), but the practical, research-backed strategies that actually make long distance relationships work. In short, long-distance relationships don’t come with any preset rules and regulations.
Keep your relationship exciting and full of new experiences—despite the distance—with these date ideas designed to maintain a sense of closeness and togetherness. Being apart can bring challenges that you might need to overcome. But, many couples find that distance can actually strengthen their relationship. It can encourage improved communication and a deeper understanding of each other outside of the physical side of the relationship.
This means cultivating a full life outside of the relationship. For the majority of individuals and couples, navigating distance is not the ideal choice for how to be in a relationship. And clearly it is not for everyone since many people flat out refuse to be in them, even turning their backs on promising romantic prospects because it’s not something they want to deal with. Discussing the future gives the relationship purpose and direction. Discussing where the relationship is heading helps reduce uncertainty and strengthen emotional security.
Make a list of the positive aspects of long distance and focus on these during the harder days when the distance is really getting to you. Doubts, insecurities, and jealousy can run high in long distance relationships simply because you’re spending so much time away from each other. This is why therapists at Lasting recommend using frequent verbal assurances with one another. They help minimize these negative feelings and clarify where you stand as a couple.